This is a rush transcript from “Gutfeld!,” May 6, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DON LEMON, CNN ANCHOR: You know what? I get people all the time. Oh, God, why are you guys talking about Trump so much? I’m sick of talking about Trump or whatever. Because what’s happening in the Republican Party and Trump is a big part of it affects all of us right now.
CHRIS CUOMO, CNN ANCHOR: He’s more powerful now. He’s like Obi-Wan Kenobi.
LEMON: I don’t know if he’s more powerful.
CUOMO: On the Bizarro side. They struck him down. Look what he’s doing with his party.
LEMON: I think it’s more sinister. And I think he’s more of the Wizard of Oz. But it — does he have powers with Wizard of Oz?
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: I guess that makes you to the lollipop guild.
All right. So while our media class obsesses over who is and isn’t wearing a mask, there’s something slightly more urgent going on that needs to be addressed. The tension in Kat’s one- week old marriage. She’s not here. Anyway. Nope. It’s something called murder. Even if you pull that mask up to cover your eyes, it’s not going to go away. Now I get it. The media only really cares about crime when it fits their narrative, white racist cop and innocent non-white suspect.
But if they really expect to get this country back to normal, and my definition of normal, not Don Lemon’s, we’re going to need to address the elephant in the room. Even Axios, a liberal new site admits this, the title of their piece, it’s set to be a hot violence summer. They report that in a sample of 37 cities over the first three months of 2021 analysis found that murders soared 18 percent over the same period last year.
And last year’s homicides were already up 33 percent you could do the math, I won’t. These are great numbers if they’re coming from your financial advisor at Schwab, not so much coming from the law enforcement Web sites. Also, all but three of the 66 largest police jurisdictions saw at least one type of violent crime increase, and it’s likely to get worse as the weather gets hotter. So, this is called a crime wave.
A result of Democrats releasing violent mentally unhinged people onto our empty streets where they prey upon innocent victims. All while saying, we need to abolish the people tasked with stopping it. They’re turning our cities into a Mad Max movie where getting shot doesn’t mean your second Moderna vaccine. The anti-police sentiment made it worse. After all, why would cops go to any dangerous call if they know there’s a chance they could end up on LeBron James’ twitter feed?
And sorry, Is this the result of white supremacists or even some angry white males? Well, let’s ask an angry white male.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: These people who want to defund the police, I don’t get it. Then what are we going to do? Fight crime all by ourselves? I don’t think so. I like the police protecting us. Then I can go back to doing what I like to do. Painting bananas.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Typical sis white hetero normative bigot. It’s weird how liberals act though when you discuss crime. It makes them more uncomfortable than Tyrus sitting in the middle seat on its — six-hour flight. They deny the data, some will even laugh when you cite the stats. Worse, they act like this is an inevitable act of nature, like the seasons changing or the plunge in CNN’s ratings.
If only the media could blame the crime on Trump, they might actually want to do something about it.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You’re watching ATN. All Trump News because everything else is boring by comparison.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hi. I’m Mika Mitchell. Anderson Lemon has the night off. And yes, Mika can also be a man’s name. Today’s top stories. A Bronx man has been released without bail being charged with multiple hate crimes for violently smashing synagogue windows. Four synagogues to be exact. All attacked with rocks. Still, the suspect was release prompting many to say it’s time to change bail reform laws.
We agree fix the bail. So Donald Trump goes to jail. OK and simple. OK? Get that monster off the street. Sure. He hasn’t smashed synagogue windows, but he smashed our dreams. And you just know if Trump hadn’t been president, this man from the Bronx wouldn’t have had someone picked up brains like I do. And I get it. I know the feeling. I get angry just thinking about Trump.
Meanwhile, a Pennsylvania man was charged with cruelty to animals after police say he shot and cooked his dog. If it were Trump, he probably would have served it well done with a dollop of disgusting ketchup. As you know, Trump is one of only three presidents who didn’t have a White House pet. So it’s clear he incited this horrific crime. He is the one who should be charged not this Pennsylvania guy. He was only reacting to Trump’s dog whistle.
And finally, Mother’s Day is this weekend. I would call my mom and wish her a happy mother’s day. But she voted for Trump twice. Yes, I know. She brought me into this world, took care of me, fed me, paid for my education. She really is a lovely, kindhearted person. But none of that matters. She is a Trump loving monster. And I hate her with every fiber of my baby. For ATN, I’m Mika Mitchell.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: My favorite Mika. So why don’t the Dems care about their dying cities? It’s due to the sunk cost of their bad ideas, the same bad ideas that have governed these cities for decades. And they care too much about holding power over these neighborhoods, even as the victims pile up like fast food wrappers on Brian Stelter’s desk. So how does the media deal with this when they finally realize the truth is inescapable?
They manipulate language. Instead of violence, they call it gun violence as if the gun just got up on two tiny feet and shot the victim or they’ll call crime a public health crisis as a way of removing any culpability. Yes, looting businesses. It’s like an allergy. It’s just that time of the season. You know, you sneeze but I break windows and steal watches. Look, we agree that when people get murdered, that impacts their health.
But treating it like an outbreak of herpes isn’t going to help anyone. There’s not enough Valtrex to go around, believe me. At least Axios admits that the pulling back of policing due to the drumbeat of media and activists likely contributed to more murders and fewer of them ever being solved. And yes, dear media most of the victims are black, and ignoring that is as yellow as the crime tape at a murder scene.
By focusing on one attention grabbing issue. Bad cops at the expense of a bigger, more destructive problem, a massive crime wave. You’re partly to blame. It would be like a dentist telling a meth head to floss the four teeth he has left. Out of a thousand people shot dead by cops in 2019 nine were unarmed blacks. But if you watch the news, you think that number was in the hundreds or thousands or hundreds of thousands.
The press calls it an epidemic. So if that’s an epidemic, what do you call the 7400 black homicide victims in the year prior in which 91 percent were killed by other black males? Don’t those lives matter too? Even if they never get tweeted by LeBron James? It isn’t that the crime that draws police into the neighborhoods. We’re out of millions of interactions you end up with a Chauvin?
Look, there are some bad cops but focusing only on race and police, it’s not going to make our cities safe again or even functional. And glorifying riots and attempt to make cops look like rejects from Police Academy Five will result in fewer good cops. And it’s most damaging to the people it claims to help. But maybe that’s the point. No more arrests, no more bail. No more cities. All you have left is empty block after block.
If you’re into real estate, it’s a perfect time to buy. Just don’t walk alone at night. Be sure to invest in Kevlar.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. She’s so bright, we should all be wearing sunscreen. Host of the Lauren Chen Show on YouTube, Lauren Chen. She’s scold more lefties than the Yankees pitching coach, novelist, screenwriter and T.V. producer Gigi Levangie. He knows quips like I know whips. I prefer cat o’ nine tails or writing prompts to be honest. Writer and comedian, Joe DeVito.
An in for Kat Timpf, she’s the cheering raider turned legal crusader. “OUTNUMBERED” co-host, Emily Compagno. All right, Lauren. Is it Lauren or Lauren?
LAUREN CHEN, THE LAUREN CHEN SHOW HOST: Lauren.
GUTFELD: Lauren, thank you. You are Canadian. And you have crime there?
CHEN: We do have some crime.
CHEN: Thankfully. It’s polite enough to only happen in Montreal and Toronto.
GUTFELD: Oh, that’s nice. That’s —
CHEN: Yes. But we do. We do.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
CHEN: And seems to be growing by the day unfortunately. It’s almost like banning guns, which they have been for a long time in places like Toronto, especially for self-defense reasons. It doesn’t really convince criminals that they shouldn’t shoot people.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. What do you make of what’s happening in the United States when you see what’s going on, especially with the — we’re seeing — we’re seeing a rise in weird crime? Like — just like, aimless dude’s beating up people on the street. And the problem is with the media, if the suspects don’t meet a certain criteria, it doesn’t end up on their radar.
CHEN: It is scary especially being in a large city right now in New York. You have all of these reports about these anti-Asian hate crimes. But I mean, those stories have kind of dropped off since apparently, they weren’t really white attackers, and it’s a little bit harder to blame them on white supremacy. Now, it’s not impossible. As we’ve seen some people try. I’ve heard that, yes, even if the attackers themselves aren’t white, it’s actually still Donald Trump’s fault, because they were emboldened.
CHEN: By his messaging because if we know that if there’s one group that is a huge fan of Donald Trump, and false has every word it is, you know, black males and inner cities, they just — they look to him as a thought leader.
GUTFELD: Yes. You just — all you have to say is like — it’s the white supremacists that are driving the non-white suspects to attack Asians.
GUTFELD: Then you have it all. You covered every base, Gigi I like the name, Gigi.
GIGI LEVANGIE, AMERICAN NOVELIST: Thank you.
GUTFELD: Yes. Well, you’re in California, obviously, you’re down in Santa Monica. I have a feeling you’re kind of experiencing the same thing. But do you have — are you allowed to actually talk about it? I mean —
LEVANGIE: Not in — well, if you are wearing a mask —
LEVANGIE: Especially if you’re outside in 75-degree weather wearing a mask, you can talk about it. If you’re not wearing a mask, no one will talk to you, so.
GUTFELD: That — but will the criminals leave you alone if you’re not wearing a mask? Like they might — they might not take your wallet if there’s a chance of getting COVID.
LEVANGIE: Well, that’s true. They’re very — well also, we need to be vegan in order, you know, for them to talk to us. So, it’s kind of confusing.
GUTFELD: You have intersectional criminals.
LEVANGIE: Yes, we do.
GUTFELD: Yes. So when they —
LEVANGIE: We’re very proud of that.
GUTFELD: When they come to mug you, first they tell you what their identity is.
LEVANGIE: Yes. And their pronouns.
GUTFELD: Right. Right. And then if you use the wrong pronoun, they don’t want any of your belongings.
LEVANGIE: No, that’s it. They don’t want the watch, they want nothing.
LEVANGIE: I know. They’re very picky.
GUTFELD: They’re picky, but they’re also polite. I kind of liked that about them. You know, Emily, you’re actually — what are you? A defense attorney?
EMILY COMPAGNO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: There’s so many things I was expecting to come out of your mouth. Yes, yes. That is what I was.
GUTFELD: So, you are — you’re looking at this from like — somebody who defends criminals. What do you make of this? Is it — are you saddened by it? What do we do?
COMPAGNO: Well, and I represented the government too. I was the federal attorney for a long time. And so, I feel like I have — from those two of those angles I actually see this from a local perspective which is how differently all of the cities are treating this. So for example, in L.A. after they defunded the majority of their police budget, a year later, after the spike in homicide that you referenced earlier, they were like, oh, just kidding.
And then they infused a ton back into the police department, right? Sigh of relief. And then Portland was like, oh, no, not only are we going to strip the police have their budget, but we’re going to unanimously decline the mayor’s pleading to put $2 million toward it.
COMPAGNO: And then the city council said, actually we’ll let you put some money back but only to park rangers, only then because they’re going to help. So, meanwhile —
GUTFELD: It’s bears. Go ahead.
COMPAGNO: Right? They — literally there was a story of two park rangers running from a guy with a knife attacking them, and then they had to call 911 to get saved. And then in Seattle, after they defunded the police, the judge there who was working out, you know, the DOJ investigates, they get into the consent decree. So everything that all the reform everyone is talking about Seattle was undergoing that, right?
That unanimously again, city council decides to defund the police. The judge says, what are you doing? You just set us all back three steps. You can’t just get the budget.
COMPAGNO: So for everyone clamoring for this to be the result or the conclusion, like it actually helps them. All over the country, you’re seeing exactly why it doesn’t. The crime is spiking, the judges are saying this is not how to clean up these cities. This is not the way for meaningful reform. So if anything, that was the only reason — sorry, I might be moving to L.A. soon. You guys got it right eventually?
LEVANGIE: Oh my god. Where I’m moving out. So, you can have —
GUTFELD: Oh, nice little crime swap. A little crime swap. That’s an interesting story. It’s like wife swap but you move into crime ridden areas who gets mugged first.
COMPAGNO: I don’t like that. I don’t that.
GUTFELD: I don’t like it either actually. Joe, lucky for you. You’re shut in. You don’t go out very often.
JOE DEVITO, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: It’s true.
GUTFELD: It’s — so you don’t really experience a lot of crime. I like the fact that we just all assume it’s all going to go away once the pandemic is over. Everybody’s going to be outside and all the — all the criminals are going to go, you know what, now that the pandemic stopped. I’m going to go back to my other job of not committing crime.
DEVITO: Yes. Well, you know, I don’t know if the criminals have heard this. Committing crime is actually against the law.
COMPAGNO: Not at the moment.
DEVITO: Yes. It’s straight, you know, it’s nice to hear them say it’s going to be a hot violence summer. I was hoping for a hot girl summer. But look at what’s your given. It’s funny. The white supremacist, they’re having a hell of a diversity drive, aren’t they?
DEVITO: You know, kudos to them. And I always laugh when I hear that when people talk about white privilege and white supremacy. And I’m like, yes, that sucks. And they look at me and I’m like, oh, you’re including me in that because I’m from Italian American family. We’ve only been white people since godfather three. So I don’t want to (INAUDIBLE)
GUTFELD: It’s so true. It’s so true. All right. Grade A block. Well, he was banned, but he could still reach his fans. Now he’s got a site for those on the rights.
GUTFELD: They’re keeping him at bay. So he did it his way. After months of being banned from social media platforms. Former President Trump has launched his own communications platform. It’s called (BLEEP) Twitter. I wish — it’s actually from the — it’s called from the desk of Donald J. Trump, which isn’t it’s flashy. And one of his first post was an epic trailer.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You can sign him and those who support him in the Senate to the trash of history.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Twitter permanently banning the commander in chief’s personal account with 88 million followers.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: I hope that every time he sends like a missive out, the music comes with it. Like he says, and it just comes out. Anyway, the site allows followers to share Trump’s posts to Twitter and Facebook for now, which is ironic since Wednesday’s Facebook Oversight Board upheld Trump’s ban from Facebook and Instagram. I think we have a picture of the Oversight Board. I never thought I’d get to use that picture.
The board said it was not appropriate to impose the penalty of indefinite suspension and gave Facebook six months to review the ban. Meaning they’re just going to keep bringing him in like Morgan Freeman’s parole from Shawshank Redemption, until Trump finally declares that he no longer gives a (BLEEPP) as for Trump’s Twitter ban, the company’s CFO says Trump won’t be unsuspended no matter what. And they took a shot at Facebook for using an oversight board to make their decision.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: How are you guys thinking about him on Twitter?
NED SEGAL, CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER, TWITTER: Well, there’s no changes to anything we’ve shared in the past around the former president’s account. You know, when you step back and think about our policies, we want to work hard to be consistent, to be transparent, so that people know exactly what to expect from us. We don’t have a — an oversight board like that. Our team is accountable for the decisions that we make.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Wow. That’s going to leave a mark. Nothing like good nerd on nerd violence. Meanwhile, this week on Twitter, an anti-semitic account had Anne Frank who was a colonizer trending and Facebook still hosts a page for the Nation of Islam. That’s both racist and anti-vax. But by all means, ban Trump because he reminds you of the daddy who didn’t hug you enough. Gigi, where do you see this going? Should we — should we break up these social media platforms? Are they too big?
LEVANGIE: Not only they’re too big, and they’re too dumb. So maybe we can’t do it. You know, maybe they’re just like big offensive linemen, and there’s nothing to be done with them. I don’t know.
GUTFELD: I’m glad Tyrus isn’t here.
LEVANGIE: Sorry. But it’s like — it’s like Revenge of the Nerds, the sequel.
LEVANGIE: You know, I think they’re — I think this world is being dominated by men and fleece this and I think we got to put a stop to that.
GUTFELD: All right. You know what? It’s true. If you could pinpoint the moment that fleece vest came into, like public consciousness, that was the end of the world, it was all people in Davos, and they all had their little like, logo on it, fleece vests, Emily. You would never hang around somebody in a police vest.
COMPAGNO: That’s all of Seattle.
COMPAGNO: Literally. What kills me is that about that guy, Ned at Twitter that says, oh, we do our own accountability. Twitter was the one — who — the ones who humanly decided to trend, the #UncleTim.
COMPAGNO: That happened after Senator Scott gave the GOP rebuttal. That was a disgusting display of elevating a racial slur for some reason, and they’re patting themselves on the back. And meanwhile, Facebook, who decides to create their own like quasi-independent decision making board and all of a sudden, they’re holier than thou. That is literally like, if at your job, you were like, oh, no, I got this when your boss is like, you know, it’s time for — It’s time for your schedule or whatever.
You’re like, no, no, no, this — I’m going to take it to this board. I created it. And then I’m going to abide by their decision. Who does that? And for some reason, we continue letting them do that I can’t wait until legislation steps in enough to free us all from the chains of being bound to them. Because I think the free market in the way it stands right now is only operating so much. I think behind the scenes, we’re still tethered to these guys because there’s so much behind the scenes that they still own and they still control.
So, we don’t really have that freedom of choice yet. I mean, even myself, I told myself, I’m never on Facebook. I’m so about it. Well, I’m on Instagram and that space, everything is connected.
GUTFELD: Yes, we need to talk about your Instagram post a little bit. Terrible. Joe, you’re shutting and so you rely a lot on social media platforms for any kind of attention you get. Is it — is it the whole idea that saying this is not a free speech issue, a lie because it’s not like you’re going to go out and start a Twitter in your backyard.
DEVITO: Well, they used to say if you don’t like it, start your own and then they tried to do parlor and then they wouldn’t let them host on the servers. Bhat by the way, the fleece vest, one thing it doesn’t show off is the massive upper arm development of the guys you see wearing them. Yes. I have to be honest though, the preview that Trump put I thought was a little anticlimactic because you see this space shot and I thought we were going to see him in a spacesuit with helmet under his arm walking in slow motion.
And then he announces that, oh, he has a blog. You know, they always say conservatives want to take us back to the 50s. He took us back to about 2005. I think you should find Myspace. We have our — our passwords are somewhere, they’ll go to our old AOL accounts. It’s infrastructure, the infrastructure is there.
GUTFELD: And Tom is still available. Remember Tom?
DEVITO: He’s looking in —
GUTFELD: Right. That’s a — nobody remembers Tom.
DEVITO: We’re old.
GUTFELD: Tom was in a little my — why am I wasting time on it? Lauren, in Canada you do have Twitter?
CHEN: We do.
GUTFELD: And you do have — you do have Google. OK. You kind of miss Trump not being on Twitter?
CHEN: I miss Trump so much. Politics is so boring without him. A, he’s entertaining in and off himself and then B, everyone freaking out about him all the time is amazing. And we’ve seen platforms like Parler launch. And they end up being kind of boring because they’re echo chambers —
GUTFELD: Right. That’s true.
CHEN: Only the right is on there. We need Trump to create his own actual social media platform, not a WordPress blog. So that way, the left, they won’t be able to keep themselves away. They would just be so attracted to it. And I want us all fighting together again, I missed that.
GUTFELD: Me too. The one thing that I believe would save Twitter is getting rid of trends. Could you imagine what would happen to people if they went on Twitter and they didn’t know what was trending? They would actually have to read the feed and make up their minds about what his story is based on what’s coming in. That —
CHEN: They need Jack to tell me what to be mad about.
GUTFELD: Exactly. And that is the trend. All right. Up next. The Dems are gathering facts for campaign attack.
GUTFELD: They’re gathering dirt to hit them where it hurts. The 2024 presidential election is more than 1200 days away, and Democrats are researching who might run against Kamala Harris.
A lot can happen in 1200 days or in 20 days, or days with a strong gust of wind. Politico reports that the DNC is already putting together opposition research on more than 20 potential Republican challengers for the presidential nomination, ranging from former President Donald Trump to the my pillow guy Mike Lindell. Good luck getting dirt on that Trump guy he keeps a low profile.
Others on the list include former VP Mike Pence, Florida Governor Ron de Santos, Nikki Haley, Mike Pompeo, Senators Ted Cruz of Texas, Josh Hawley of Missouri and Rick Scott of Florida, and even some guy named Tucker Carlson. Which sounds like a fake name. So, basically, the pool of candidates consists of Tucker Carlson, and people who watch Tucker Carlson.
Now, the goal of opposition research is to uncover information to publicly discredit your opponent. For example, here’s the oppo we gathered on Shannon Bream. Last month, she helped pay for the education of nine orphans. Why not 10? That’s going to come back to haunt her. Also on weekends, she participated in a food drive. Makes you wonder what she’s hiding. When she’s pulling that kind of stuff. Hey, here’s your candidate beads. And that’s not a severed head in my trunk. Finally, she donates blood regularly. But how do we really know it’s her blood? Do you, do any of us?
Yes. Makes you think, doesn’t it? Hey, we’re just raising questions here and Gutfeld.
COMPAGNO: Oh, no.
GUTFELD: You didn’t like that, Emily? Did that upset you? That upset you, didn’t you? But you know what, we don’t know what she does after work. Anyway, is there any opposition research you’d like to look at?
COMPAGNO: Well, no. Also, in part, I feel like, I don’t know, that list is so extensive. And I feel like with for example, Mike Lindell, who we all love. He — I mean, he’s already written a book. We know what’s in his past.
GUTFELD: He’s crack — he was a former crack head. What are they going to find worse than that? Well, Hunter Biden could tell you. Nothing is worse than — nothing is worse than being a crack head, and Hunter Biden goes, oh, yes. I knocked up a stripper while dating my late brother’s widow, and then having an affair with a sister in law. I may have read a book about it.
GIGI LEVANGIE, NOVELIST: He’s a busy man. He is a busy man.
GUTFELD: He is a busy man. Oh my god. Nobody bought his book though. I’m sorry, Emily, what were you saying?
COMPAGNO: Well, I don’t know I got derailed. So, I think what’s interesting about this is to me that it just displays the level of panic that’s coming out of the DNC right now. In part because it seems as if we’re not the only ones that see what their policies are doing and how much it’s, it’s repelling more than half of the United States. There, they can let them keep digging their grave because no amount of oppo-research is going to help them in 2022 people are done.
GUTFELD: Ah, what do you — do agree with that? I never, I never I’m never optimistic about anything, including like I could just see America completely tuning out. And if you’re looking for exit just New York is a great example. No Republicans vote in New York anymore. So, we just get stuck with de Blasio.
LAUREN CHEN, THE LAUREN CHEN SHOW HOST: Right. They just gave up and I based on the past two years, I feel like just blanket pessimism, probably. But I think the problem with all this opposition research is that we are so divided right now that a lot of the things that the left is going to think is like oh, some gotcha moment, the right is going to love.
Look at Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson wants to discuss the way that immigration affects voting trends based, love it, Republicans love it. Ron DeSantis thinks that you shouldn’t be held accountable if you run over a protester who shouldn’t have been riding the streets. Amazing. Yes, I mean, this is all going to just help the right if anything.
GUTFELD: I hope so. You know, Joe, basically all of this means nothing until we know what Trump is doing, right?
JOE DEVITO, COMEDIAN: Yes because he just takes all the oxygen out of a room depending on what his choice —
GUTFELD: Which is scary for Joe. Yes, literally, we’ll take the oxygen out of the room.
DEVITO: Yes, I think it’s some — it’s pretty, geez, imagine having to be the person to dig up dirt on Mike Pence. Oh what a madman.
GUTFELD: Oh, he makes Shannon Bream look like Charles Mason.
DEVITO: Yes, I mean you have to hope that not like Michael Mandel. You’d have to hope maybe, maybe Pence is going to be a future crack addict to keep things interesting.
GUTFELD: But you know, he will only do crack by himself.
DEVITO: He won’t. he won’t keep that door cracked a little bit if you will. I like DeSantis because he took Florida from being our most insane state. Remember before he was there, if you’ve heard news from Florida, you never thought, oh, good thing that happened because yes. Either like was alligator, Walmart, bath salts just in different orders. And now, we can’t make fun of them. They counted their votes. They’ve got corona under control. They keep trying to now and what stuff and he’s, he’s looking pretty good —
GUTFELD: He’s, he’s the most competent. I think the most competent candidate going right now. Gigi, what do you think about the fact that Biden is just kind of like intermission like, like, like you got Trump 2016 to 2020 then you have Biden is kind of like an intermission where we all kind of catch our breath.
LEVANGIE: Well, I was going to say, he’s like a palate cleanser, but that’s disgusting. And I personally only do opposition, opposition research. It’s hard to say on my husbands.
GUTFELD: How many husbands?
LEVANGIE: It’s hard to say.
GUTFELD: Do you have any concurrently? Are they, you do them in an order?
LEVANGIE: I have one. I call? Yes, I call him my current one.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, do you hire private detective?
LEVANGIE: Um, I can’t really divulge that. But only on myself.
GUTFELD: I always wonder, I always wonder that private detectives aren’t really as good as the T.V. shows claim they are. You know what I mean? Like they get a little license out of a cereal box and they’re like private — they’re not really like Jim Rockford.
COMPAGNO: Oh my god.
GUTFELD: No, I know. I love Jim Rockford. That’s probably one of the best shows on T.V. I’ll shut up now.
LEVANGIE: How old are we?
GUTFELD: I don’t know I’m very old, very old. Up next, they put a mask on her face, but she still won the race.
GUTFELD: She was flat on her face at the end of the race. And her coach was seething over her compromised breathing. I don’t really know that but I like to rhyme. High School runners in Oregon, an actual state, will no longer have to wear masks after a track star recently collapsed at the finish line of a race. I can relate although I collapse at the starting line. Little self-deprecation there.
I’m actually a great athlete. This is Maggie Williams breaking her school’s record for the 800 meters. But at the end, she tumbled face first and even lost consciousness. Her coach says she wasn’t even sure where she was when she came to which she has in common with Joe Biden. That was easy. He gets the mass probably had something to do with it, with her collapse. So, he urged the Oregon Health Authority or OHA as it’s known to change the rule, and they agreed.
Now, the state’s athletes can take off masks while competing in non-contact sports outdoors like say looting Dick’s Sporting Goods in Portland. But hey, at least Maggie won the race unlike my phone like my buddy Cole, the guy can never finish anything for call. Poor Cole. So, Joe, you don’t exercise at all, which I am. Not surprised. What do you — this is ridiculous. Watching people run with masks on is in your city. When you go out at times, I guess?
DEVITO: For me, I would have collapsed the beginning just to get out of running.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
DEVITO: I hate running. Yes, it’s — I like the exercise scientists they needed to consult that maybe wearing a mask while running is not helpful. Why not pop out — maybe should take the lead weights off the feet, too. There’s only two things that you need to do when you’re running is move your legs and breathe. And congrats to Maggie, that’s amazing that they’re really turning it into Harrison Bergeron that if you’re good at something, they have to punish you with all these extra add-ons. And that’s, that’s amazing she won. I can’t imagine giving enough of (BLEEP) anything that it would throw myself across the finish line like that. Really, congrats to her.
GUTFELD: And good, Kurt Vonnegut reference, I might add. Gigi, did you see — Fauci is still pushing, like saying like kids camp should still be wearing masks outside. This is torture.
LEVANGIE: This is because Fauci was probably beat up right after school every single day for his entire elementary school career.
GUTFELD: That could explain a lot of things in my life. The fact that I enjoy getting beaten, beaten up. I used to get it for free as a kid, now I pay for it.
LEVANGIE: That’s capitalism, so.
GUTFELD: Yes, do you — is this ever going to end are people still going to be wearing masks outside because they feel that that’s the virtue signal?
LEVANGIE: Well, in California, Southern California, it’s never going to end.
LEVANGIE: And they’ll probably still be wearing Biden masks for sure. Other places, Nashville, outside Nashville, no one.
GUTFELD: Yes. Any place in Tennessee.
GUTFELD: Right. Yes. Just follow the banjo music, no masks.
LEVANGIE: And we’re done.
GUTFELD: Right. I’m kidding fans of Tennessee. I love Tennessee. Lauren in Canada, what is it — uh, do you have a lot of like health fascists that are like stare at you badly if you’re not wearing a mask outside?
CHEN: We just call those Canadians, right? Well, where I live, we’re just coming out of an 8:00 pm curfew. That is it is still light outside that is early.
GUTFELD: For everybody?
GUTFELD: That is nuts. Yes, 8:00 pm so you I have to eat dinner at like 6:00 if I want to get back somewhere. But you know what with the left all these crazy things I used to try to fight against it. But I’ve really bought into accelerationism now. So with the police, you know what you want to abolish the police, go for it have fun enjoy with mask. You know what, two masks, I say three, four. Plastic back over your face mask. As we know, breathing is how COVID is spread. We won’t talk about the nursing home incident as we know, that’s not a thing didn’t happen. So yes, I’m just trying to encourage them. And then hopefully this a progressive problem will take care of itself.
LEVANGIE: Everyone should stop breathing.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s exactly — that would be. Could you imagine that? Fauci actually had a sense of humor. He should go on and just say, you know, one way to reduce COVID is to practice not breathing. Like for lunch, it’s just build up your, your, your whole, breath holding power. Until you can go through the whole day without ever breathing at all, Emily.
COMPAGNO: Right. Like in the 90s when sting was like, I’m tantric because a big thing for eight hours. If Fauci was like, I can my breath for eight hours, it would be amazing. Something to strive for. My thing is that how in Oregon Oh Ha, was like, we’re basing our decision on medical guidance and evolving science, right, as if it wasn’t based on a teenager collapsing and potentially almost dying. If I were her parents, I would have burned down that state, except my family lives there.
GUTFELD: You’re, you’re a lawyer? Does she have a right to sue? Or is that she was OK, I guess. But —
COMPAGNO: She was OK. And it depends on damages. But we’ve seen this tension play out in the beginning of the lockdown and through where essentially public health and safety and the amount of power that these guys have just set these rules. And then when you infringe on a constitutional right, that’s when it’s sort of a strict Nexus that is required and a compelling interest.
But until that point, if she says, well, you know, it’s not, is it a constitutional right to run in a track? I mean, at this point, they’re going to say no, no, but we were basing on the CDC guidance, right, the director came out of the CDC and said, yes, you don’t have to wear masks outside. And what did the White House do? Oh, she was she was speaking in her personal capacity. So, even that wasn’t enough to become guidance, right?
GUTFELD: You know what else is interesting, I hear this a lot from my drivers. Wearing a mask in a car, and you’re alone, you get you hyperventilate, you’re breathing in your carbon dioxide, and you get dizzy. And I’ve heard this is anecdotally, so I’m not going to say it’s a fact. Oh, maybe I will. It’s causing an increase, dramatic increase in car accidents. That’s a fact that I just made up. But I wonder if people are passing out at the wheel because they’re sucking in their own carbon CO2? I don’t know. Don’t listen to me when I say talk about science. That’s on you. All right. That’s what I do know a lot about. Who am I talking? Up next, we asked the question, “SPECIAL REPORT” refuses to tackle. Is there a glut of artificial butt?
GUTFELD: Time once again for two more stories that are stupid but interesting. It’s our award winning segment called —
ANNOUNCER: “TWO STUPID STORIES.”
GUTFEND: The graphic never lies. In an odd photo released by the Carter Center named after the peanut farmer and First Lady appeared to have met with the Bidens. They appeared to meet with divide Bidens to form of ventriloquist act.
The weird image was caused by a wide angle lens but even stranger none of them are wearing masks despite a combined age of 4033. Meanwhile, the American Society of Plastic Surgeons released a 2020 report showing that butt implants are filling pants and operating rooms nationwide. And we do mean wide, am I right America? We haven’t confirmed these stats we’ll just assume that when it comes to big butts, it cannot lie. Lauren, what do you make of his butt surgery story?
CHEN: Well, first off, I just want to say their eyes follow you across the room. It’s very, very off putting. But I was surprised by this because I don’t know if anyone else’s corona experiences has had been like mine. I don’t need help in that department, right? No exercise and a lot of fast food have since kind of done service for me I guess in one respect, but I just want to say a big thank you to Nicki Minaj, you know, Megan (INAUDIBLE). All of these, these keen thinkers who have really revitalized this butt implant section of the economy.
GUTFELD: I agree too.
CHEN: Thank you.
GUTFELD: It was it was an underserved area of the body.
GUTFELD: Gigi, you know, what I think that when you do an implant there has to be more than just one function. Like why can’t a butt implant also just be like, like a retractable awning that you can put?
LEVANGIE: Exactly. Well, I think people don’t understand. It’s practical.
LEVANGIE: Butt implants can act as a shelf.
LEVANGIE: You know, and also they can be retro-fitted so that they if you can, if you’re shot like —
GUTFELD: It’s like bathtub fitters.
LEVANGIE: Exactly. Exactly.
GUTFELD: Where people just put the bathtub over another bathtub, you just put this over your butt.
LEVANGIE: It’s perfect.
GUTFELD: And then you get in the bathtub.
LEVANGIE: By the way, I think the only person I think actually this is all due to the Kardashians. I think this whole, I think it’s just the Kardashians who’ve had their butt implants removed and put back in.
GUTFELD: I’m not implanting anything in my but I’ll tell you that. That in the E.R. Oh my god. Explaining to them that I fell on the train set. Emily, let’s talk — let’s move on to taste.
COMPAGNO: I can’t with you.
GUTFELD: Joe Biden? What do you make of this photo? Interesting.
COMPAGNO: So, yes, and I just learned it was the wide, wide lens thing. So, when I first saw this I was like that’s what happens when you become 90? So, I’ve been terrified for like, and for like a day that that is what happens all the time. And then I learned it was from that wide angle lens which probably says more about me than them. But I mean, it just reminds me of the Dollhouse Murders that really awesome book I read growing up. They’re in, they’re in a dollhouse. These guys are in a doll house, with little tiny people.
GUTFELD: You know, Joe now that I know that there’s a lens like this that exists, I might have start using it for my erotic photography.
DEVITO: That photo, it looks like the final shot to an area airy Aster movie terrifying. This is one way to look robust is to loom over to shrunken 90 something.
DEVITO: I mean, it looks like she’s going to have a drink of water and he’s going to sing the national anthem with this act they have here.
DEVITO: No masks. Ridiculous at that age.
GUTFELD: That obscure reference for the director that did the movie —
DEVITO: “Hereditary” and “Midsommar.”
GUTFELD: I give you credit for that. But you know, a lot of people don’t know who — what’s her name?
GUTFELD: Yes, OK. I’m going to have to ask you to leave. Let’s wait. It’s a little bit, a little bit much. Who are you, Dennis Miller? I love Dennis Miller. He’s going to come to this show, actually, Dennis. Yes, I am. Greg. Great. Don’t go anywhere. Be right back.
GUTFELD: We are out of time. Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Thanks to Laura Chen, Gigi Levangie, Joe DeVito, Emily Compagno, our studio audience. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with the evil (ph), evil (ph) Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.
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